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Once again I welcome myself back to my own blog. I am actually quite amazed I have mustered up the motivation to write. Because I don't have motivation for much nowadays. My funk has been long and deep so far and to be honest, I don't know when I see myself crawling out.

Obviously I want to. Everyone wants to be happy, right? But should happy be taking this much work? Exercise, meditate, force yourself to smile...I have heard and read many tips over the last year and I wonder...why am I not just happy? I have plenty to smile about, husband, cat, steadyandnothorrible job...
Anxiety is a big part of it. Last year I started a lot and gave up a lot in the space of a few months. And now it seems I cannot start anything without self doubt crashing down immediately.

I don't know, maybe one day I will wake up and it will all be different. That seems to have happened the last time...

I have kindasorta picked up a new hobby in the form of origami. Here are some of the models I folded in the last few weeks.

It is fun to do and it does take my mind off my issues. Of course I have started looking at other people's work and I get horribly jealous of their original designs and perfect execution thereof. But maybe one day?

One final side note: new Essence nailpolish. I decided my Yule colour this year will be green. So I got this:

Pretty, right?

Right, thanks for reading to those who do. Let's get on with it!

Quick cosmetics review

I bought a few new bits of makeup this week. I was looking for a nice autumn colour for my nails and a way to do my eyes a bit more smoky as I love my Lavera shadows, but they are a little light for when I go out in the evening.  So first up, Essence's new shade: Red Ahead. 

This is the photo from their website. 

This is my bottle and my (badly) painted index finger beside it. 

As you can see, the website photo makes the colour look a lot lighter and in my opinion, not as nice. To me it looks like a beautiful rouge noir and I must say it with an emphasis on the noir, it comes out very dark with just one coat. I have been very happy with the Essence nail polished. Their price/quality is amazing. I always use a base coat and as long as I am patient with my application, the colour stays on well.  

Now over to my new eyeshadow. This is the first time I bought something from Swedish brand IsaDora. I went for quad palette Muddy Nudes. Not the nicest name, but I do like these kinds of colours. I mainly wanted the taupe shade in the bottom right corner to use as a liner with my Lavera shadows. 

The photo from the website in all its glory. 

With this one, the photo from the website is very accurate. These are 3 nice matte shades. The only one with a hint of shimmer is the brownish shade in the bottom left. I used Urban Decay's Primer Potion under my makeup and their Deslick setting spray over it. I was quite happy with its staying power and colour payoff. It's not particularly dark, but that is not what I wanted. It's perfect for a hint of definition. I used the taupe from the lashline to the crease as well and that was nice too. It's a lovely little palette for travelling with I would think, or for just having in your bag for whenever you need it. 

Quick shot of the look. So basically Lavera's shadow in Golden Ivory all over the lid up to the brow bone. Then Lavera's shadow in Chocolate brown from lash line to crease. Then the taupe colour from above palette used as a liner. I used Lush's Eyes Right Mascara and you will recognise the nail polish as the one above. 

So, there's 2 products I would recommend trying out if it's your kind of thing! Both cruelty free of course, otherwise they wouldn't end up with me.

Thanks for reading!

Life Update

It is Friday afternoon and two hours ago I finished my first working week in over five months. As blogs are so public I will not go into what I do where, it's more to let my readers know my change in situation. I'm glad of it. It is nice to have an income again that I earned myself, rather than have one handed to me by the government. It also adds a structure to my life that I believe will force me to make more effective choices in my free time.

The drawback is that since last night, my back is once again very sore, and I must presume that all the longterm sitting at work is responsible for this. I contacted an osteopath I have seen before but due to a history with a herniated disc, he does not feel confident that whatever he can do will have a positive effect. And I would so love to get my back sorted out so I can do everything from sitting at work to an active day outdoors without having to worry when my pain is going to ruin my concentration or my fun.

Another effect of being back at work is that it really makes me think about the future. When I was on my own for most of the time, I did my own thing whenever I wanted, which allowed for much more living in the moment. Now I see people around me from all walks of life and it makes me thing about what I can do and what I want to do. I am very insecure: if I hear of one person failing at something I have not done before, I become convinced that I too will fail. It's a very irrational thought because although I have certainly failed where others have succeeded, I have more often succeeded where many have failed. I passed my driving test the first time, got my degree in the three years that are in it, roasted a perfect Turkey last Christmas and have many other achievements and talents under my belt. My husband says I can do anything I put my mind to and he may not be 100% right but when I really apply myself, I do not tend to fail. I also have to believe that when I do my best and I fail, the situation was not right for me, rather than me not being right for it. As Einstein said: "Everybody is a genius but if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree it will spend its entire life thinking it is stupid". And I am still searching for that perfect fit, that water to my fish. Currently I am considering graphic design as I hope it could provide me with a career that combines the stability of working for a company with the creative outlet of art and design. I also like the idea of publishing: I love to edit, in fact I can't help but edit when I see a grammar or spelling error. Perhaps technical writing or translations (being bilingual helps here) are options to consider. Other things I love are art, animals and products. Hopefully the situation will present itself when I am ready. For now I can develop myself in my current job. I would just like to work toward something.

But the next best thing is looking forward toward something! This week my husband and I booked a B&B in Bath, a place we have been before, but this time will be different. Instead of flying, which I hate, we will be taking the car across the Irish sea by ferry which will provide us with unlimited freedom in what we want to see! Glastonbury town, Exmoor and Exmoor Zoo, the Cotswolds and many other sights are on the cards. There is something about the area of the UK I just love so I am convinced it is going to be fantastic.

  Our holiday is not until October though so there is a lot of time to fill in Ireland! There are a few festival I want to attend around the country and I'd really like to be a bit more social. My unemployment made me something of a hermit and made me intolerant towards people but being part of a team again has made me realise that I can enjoy the company of people and people enjoy my ocmpany in turn. I just need a bit of a push.

I expect that from next week I will want to go out and be seen and smelled because I have a Lush Cosmetics order on the way, courtesy of my dear husband! It includes mascara, lip colour, a shower gelly, and two bath items AND a bottle of shower gel for the mister himself. All the items I am getting will be my first time using them, so I will definitely review them here as part of my cruelty free lifestyle.

The last thing I want to talk about it my art. Spring has sprung in Ireland and I am feeling heavily inspired by bird song and flowers. I am thinking a brightly coloured Art Nouveau or stained glass style piece with snowdrops and long tailed tits.

But for now I am going to give myself a much needed manicure with a neutral polish by Elysambre. Hopefully I will update again soon with some images.

Thanks for reading!
Dutchess

Essence Nail Varnish Review

Last week I discovered that my local pharmacy sells a very affordable and cruelty free make-up brand called Essence (please clock on the link for their statement on animal testing). While I would be inclined to go for a premium brand for products that go on my face, I saw no harm in trying out a new nail polish at a mere EURO1,79. I chose shade 117, "I'm So Very". Take a look at it below

As you can see the shade looks the same on my thumb as it does in the bottle. It went on opaque in one layer and I covered it with a layer of top coat. I put it on on Friday afternoon and it stayed on perfectly until today and then it has only chipped in one place. So I must say I am very impressed with the quality of the varnish, especially considering the price and highly recommend giving it a try if you can find it in your area!