On wanting and quitting...

A few months ago, I was due to have a life coaching session with Marthe Hagen, from www.thefreedomexperiment.com. I ended up cancelling the session for reasons I will not go into here (suffice to say that my trust and control issues got the better of me and that I really shouldn't pay for things in advance anymore as it gives me horrible anxiety). But I still get noticed in my inbox when she uploads a new post, and today I read The Art of Longing is the Art of Asking: What do I really want?

My favourite part from this post is this:

 I want to challenge the underlying belief that impulsive wants are not real wants and that short-lived dreams are not real dreams. And at the same time, the belief is very often that not finishing something is bad, bad, bad! Because we need to accomplish, accomplish, accomplish!

Again, this is not so true, is it?

In my experience, if we can free ourselves from these hard beliefs about ourselves and the world, we – the impulsive and multi-passionate – can live more rewarding lives. Remember, living passionately isn’t about achieving and finishing, it’s about the process of feeling and being passionate. And if you can live in your passion by jumping from interest to interest, dream to dream, goal to goal – without judging yourself for it – well, then you can live a very passionate life indeed.

I am a self confessed quitter. And not of smoking, drinking of binge watching Netflix. No, I quit pieces of art and craft work once the novelty wears off or it turns out my creative talent do not live up to my imagination. I also have a magic 3 class threshold, where I may sign up and pay in advance for a 10 week course of something (yoga, for example) and after 3 classes, my interest plummets and I don't want to go anymore. I know this about myself, yet I still have not foregone signing up for this type of class format occasionally. Often it is the only format available if I want to do anything at all.

And I shame and guilt myself into oblivion for what I consider this personality flaw. In the above passage, Marthe challenges the belief that there is something wrong with me because my motivations and passions do not stick.

I still love the idea of a finished project. But maybe I should re-evaluate what finished actually means. There is nothing wrong with a bit of discipline and follow through, if others are counting on me especially, but life is too short to torture ourselves with doing things we do not want to do anymore. As they often say when people pass away: celebrate their life, rather than mourn their death. I am going to try and celebrate that I had any inspiration and motivation at all instead of mourning when it goes away. Maybe in embracing my restlessness and lack of focus, I will find rest and focus.

Marthe reminded me to be pleased with who I am. And I am grateful for that. Quitter and proud!

Thank you for reading!

Forgettability

Despite priding myself on pretty serious nerd cred, I am not a big Doctor Who watcher. I have seen and loved a few episodes (Vincent and the Doctor is my favourite) but Sci-Fi, with it's space travel and aliens is rarely my thing. As such, I am not overly familiar with the concept of the Silence.
But Wikipedia is never wrong and confirmed what I thought I knew: that people immediately forget about a Silent once they turn their gaze away from them.

And I am starting to think I share that particular power with the Silence, apart from that their suggestions stick in people's minds, whereas mine do not. 

It would seem that I am forgettable. If I do not initiate contact with someone, there will be no contact. Even if I take the initiative, there may be not contact.

In the last while, I have experienced:

- Contacting charities asking for volunteers to offer them help, only to hear nothing back.

- Being promised to be sent a message and having to send out a reminder.

And this is only in the last week. For a very long time now, I have felt that I am at the bottom of people's list of things to remember and think about, if I am on the list at all. And I hate it. I hate that everything always has to come from me. It makes me feel desperate and like I am forcing myself on people. My concern is not that people dislike me, when I contact them, they are frequently up for hanging out. But I would love to be contacted every once in a while (I do not have a need or want to be hugely popular and in constant demand) and remembered. Especially when I have already taken the first step.

I often wonder if this is a common issue for a lot of people, a result of a self-centred society that relies on Facebook and Twitter to be reminded that other people exist too (I am not a big Facebook and Twitter user, maybe this is where I am going wrong) or that I am just a bland, boring person...or even that I give off the impression that I don't want to be contacted and that I prefer to initiate things myself. 

Perhaps I am considered so reliable and organised that people count on getting reminders from me. But that kind of complacency really pisses me off. The control freak in me really wants to know. 

I would love to hear from people if this happens to them too, maybe we all have something in common.

Thank you for reading (and remembering)!

Chicklit

After my vacation in September the motivation for the outfit challenge fizzled out rather tragically. No matter, I have something shiny and new to focus on and write about.

Since last Sunday, I own chickens! Ex-battery hens to be precise. They were facing slaughter at only 18 months of age as is normal with laying hens in factory/battery farms but an animal Rescue organisation stepped in and rescued and re-homed a whopping 7000 of them. So I now have 3 in my back garden.

Letting them out of the cat carrier and into the grass behind our house for their first steps into a more natural existence was a joy to behold. I (and my cat) could have watched them for hours, stepping and pecking.

Due to having spent their whole short lives so far in an A4 size cage with only sitting, eating, drinking, laying, pooping, and sleeping to make up their existence, anything else is utterly unfamiliar to them. That said, they did not show a fearful reaction to the cat except when she made a jump towards them. And I think their reaction scared her more than it did them.

Of course, with Winter Solstice/Yule less than a month away, the days are short. Dusk and darkness are also something the hens were yet unacquainted with but I must say they handled it well. They did need to be lifted into the hen house for the night and catching them is not easy as they are unused to human contract. It's the only time they have made noise that could be described as loud. At any other times they are either quiet or make cute, low clucking sounds.  Once you have a hold on them, they go quiet again, and it's not difficult to put them in the coop. Hopefully they will learn how to do this themselves eventually. Last night I only had to put two in, as one managed on her own.

They also required dusting with mite/lice spray and blue TMR hygiene spray to protect their bare skin from pecks and putting that on was definitely more than a two hand job. But hubby and I managed. And it is all worth it, because when I came home yesterday evening I found our first egg in the coop. I could not have been more proud and excited had I laid it myself.

The Outfit Challenge: Fangirl Chic

Despite staying at home with a headache today, Marijke and I went ahead with the outfit challenge, which today was Fangirl Chic as chosen by me. 

I already sent a quick pic of me in bed in my Game of Thrones House Stark t-shirt, Winter IS Coming after all. But I did get fully dressed later in the day, continuing along the same theme. 

It is a warm week here in Galway so an airy skirt was the perfect companion to my House Targaryen T-Shirt (detail shot below). I like that the colours are very autumnal, a perfect look for this time of year. 

No detail shot of hair and make-up this time as I went without war paint today. But as a bonus, here is a close-up of our new little kitten Merlin instead!

Thanks for reading!

The Gemstone Challenge

Yesterday, my challenge as set by Marijke was to by inspired by a (semi) precious stone. I love gemstones and do actually believe in the energies and qualities attributed to them.
Not that that made the challenge that much easier. I needed to really match the occasion of a day of basically just packing for my imminent house move, my clothes suitable to that and the stones I know.

I decided to go with Citrine. Pretty and yellow! A really sunny stone.

According to crystal-cure.com:

Citrine is a yellow-to-golden member of the quartz mineral group. A deep golden variety from Madiera Spain can resemble the costly imperial topaz gem stone, which is one reason that citrine is a popular birthstone alternative to those born in November.

Citrine has been called the "stone of the mind". Ancient cultures believed that placing a citrine on the forehead of an elder would increase his psychic power.

Citrine is known as the lucky "Merchants Stone". If you are in any type of sales, just put a citrine in the cash drawer and watch what happens. Also used by healers to:

• increase self esteem
• protect from the negative energy from someone else's abuse
• open the mind to new thoughts
• promote clarity of thought

Interesting stuff. I think so anyway. 

So now over to my outfit of the day.

Basically anything below the waist can be ignored as it's only jeans. And this picture makes my bum and thighs look huge.

And the usual closeup. I am wearing a light yellow shimmery eyeshadow and mascara. It's not really visible. Unfortunately I don't actually own any citrine jewellery so no cool accessories apart from my headscarf.

I really like this theme and I would have done more with it under different circumstances. Now I need to think about the theme for this week and then we will probably take a break as I am going to Barcelonaaaaa! (And South of France and Italy)

Unleashing my inner goddess

And it's not a Fifty Shades of Grey thing. I haven't even read those books.

Rather it is this week's outfit challenge, thought up by me for myself and Marijke.

In other words, choose a god or goddess and allow him or hew to inspire you.

Marijke chose Athena (visit her blog!) and I chose the Morrighan. She is from pre-christian Celtic mythology. Wikipedia states that "The Morrígan is a goddess of battle, strife, and sovereignty. She sometimes appears in the form of a crow, flying above the warriors.".

Sounds pretty badass, right?

So here's what I made of it (I cropped out my head as it just looked weird in the photo):
                                       
My black skirt from last Sunday is making a reappearance along with a black top in the gothic style that has a lot of pointy bits that could totally be feathers. You can't see it too well in the photo so click here to see it in green.

Make-up is a smoky eye with lots of black and purple and dark red nails. Lacy black scarf to keep my unruly hair in one place and to top it all off: my necklace with the silver raven skull pendant to get it that extra Morrighany edge.

I was a bit apprehensive wearing this into work as the water outfit with dark green eye make-up got a lot of attention but either this is more toned down somehow or I look to scary to invite comments. Either way, I had the guts to walk into work with it without toning it down. Yay me!

Thank you for reading!

Sunday Outfit Challenge: The Casual Romantic

Today started out fantastic weather-wise. I got up to pick blackberries and just get some general exercise and Vit-D. 

This little guy sang me a song this morning!

So onto my outfit. Marijke chose "The Casual Romantic". I definitely consider this a challenge as my dress sense is not overly girly. My main plan for the day was visiting a craft and vintage market in town with a friend so the outfit had to be suitable for that too. 

I think I was pretty successful as per below. The top (which has embroidered flowers that are not very visible in this photo) is vintage and bought from Etsy and the headscarf comes from another vintage market in town. The skirt is GAP, bought from someone on E-Bay. Shoes are just plain old Tom's. 

Here is a closeup of hair and make-up. The hair is actually so easy to do (learned how on Pinterest) and looks really fancy and romantic. I did some nice purple shadow on my eyes and a pink lip and blush. Cute, right?

A lovely outfit for a lovely day. I helped a friend find stuff for a costume party and found Marijke a T-Shirt I really wanted so I am well pleased!

Our next weekday challenge will be completely different: we will unleash our inner assassin! SWYF powerrrr! ;-)

Thanks for reading!