Make ALL the changes, do ALL the challenges!

Long post ahead!

A few weeks ago I finally accepted that I am not able to solve my problems on my own and saw a doctor about it.

If I was to label my problems, I guess mild depression or dysthymia would be appropriate. Basically, since about October 2012, I have been sinking. I started taking less joy in things, became less tolerant of people's mistakes and pushed them away and/or withdrew from social situations as a result, including terminating my Facebook page. I do not regret that last one as I continue to read more and more about how manipulative Facebook really is as a social media site but it has made me realise how reliant people have become on it. If you don't shove profile pictures and status updates down your 300+ friends' throats, you get forgotten about. And that is exactly how I feel a lot of the time. Forgotten, ignored, passed over. To avoid feeling like that, I withdraw, I alienate myself to give myself a sense of control. Reaching out to people to me reads as desperately begging for the attention of people who have no interest in me.  Fortunately for me, I do have support in the form of a husband and some REAL friends so I am not always the social pariah.

They say your outlook on life is a reflection on how you see yourself. I have never had particularly high self esteem. Insecurity creeps in at any given opportunity. This has also led to me not doing much as I never believe I will do it well enough. My tolerance for learning if very low as the low competency at the start of a learning process makes me very anxious. I am far from an optimist so I am inclined to think that if I show no talent at what I am learning, I will never improve.

So for a long time, my life consisted of working, watching TV and occasionally throwing in some things that might make it look like I have a life. Most of the time I enjoy those things, especially when they have a low level of responsibility, but it's not enough and my life feels stagnant. I feel stuck in my situations, which is another thing eating away at my motivation. Why make an effort to do things if I am stuck anyway, right?

But I want to change, I have always wanted to change. If I had spent half the time I spent making to do lists actually doing stuff on those lists, I would be so productive!

So, I went to the doctor. And now I am taking antidepressants, 20mg of Citalopram a day. I am in my third week of them and my mind is not exactly blown by the effects so far. But I have heard it needs time, so time is what I shall give it.

And admittedly, I have been doing a bit more. I have started several challenges with my friend (find her in all her fabulousness at http://ethelandilearntosew.wordpress.com/), adding that necessary accountability. And it's fun! My challenges for the moment:
- The water challenge, basically drink as much water (herbal tea counts) as possible. 3 litres a day is the aim.
- The 30 day yoga challenge. This can be found on YouTube. I am on day 3.
- The outfit challenge, friend and I set ourselves and each other outfit themes twice weekly and post the photos here.
- The blog challenge. A minimum of one blog post a month. Obviously the outfit challenge will cover this but I am hoping to add another post on top of them.
- The creative challenge. This we run via Pinterest. Make something, Pin it. Updates on Sundays.
- The frugal challenge. I need to save more money. This one has no real structure yet. Just spend less money overall. I have plenty of unnecessary expenses.
- Declutter challenges. Sell/give or throw away as much as possible. Especially when buying something new. Do not let stuff acummulate.

These things give my free time a bit of structure and make me feel productive. And some of them will obviously have beneficial effects on my health.

So there it is. I have been hoping to change for a long time now, but I might just be at the start of something.

If anyone has any questions (about citalopram, or anything), please feel free to ask!

Thanks for reading!